Category: Thoughts

Caroline Bach2 Comments

Too much to ask for.

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Being able to look forward to things and plan ahead. Being able to build a base.

Staying open to opportunities is a wonderful way of allowing them to unexpectedly surprise you and transform status quo to actual plans and excitement for new experiences. Yay! Great. Hallelujah.

I’m still signing for and agreeing with the above. However, frankly, it is starting to kill me a little. Uncertainty, that omnipresent feeling of my past three years. Life on the edge, life in a backpack, life dedicated to collecting as much professional experience, interesting meetings and weekend trips as possible. It’s been overwhelmingly fruitful, I will not state otherwise, but it is a bit harsh on the personal side. On relations. On stability.

I told one of my most appreciated and loved friends that we would meet up very soon. I have it all figured out and calculated, the when, how and where. But still, I can’t afford to close myself to opportunity if or when it arises. Meaning that I can’t afford to promise that I will actually be there to meet up.

Now that I think of it, while being very free and flexible in spirit and allowing myself to move my entire existence with three days notice in the search for something fresh, I’m actually captured and locked up by not being able to make any long term personal commitments. Or buy things that won’t fit in a backpack.

Then, on the other hand, I’m in love with my job. I adore the learning process. So is my professional development my base? Is being able to “plan ahead” too much to ask for and not actually what I am seeking in life at this point? Actually, when I think of it, the times when I did plan a lot ahead was when I was very bored with every-day life. And I still plan, I always do, I just can’t really guarantee anything.

Go to sleep, Caroline. You’re having one of those mellow, lonely days.

Wait, wait, there’s a twist here. I decided at an early stage in life that there is no thing that one can’t aim for. No thing is too much to ask for. So all I actually need to do now is to decide what my aim is. Ensure that it’s balanced enough to inspire both of my personalities. And go for it.

Caroline Bach3 Comments

Thank you, UNICEF Nicaragua.

Managed to get most part of the office together in our beautiful little UNICEF patio to stop time for a moment.

My time here is running to an end, and I will soon be leaving another country and yet another office. Things are to be learnt in every new place one works in, the interpersonal culture, the working structures and the hierarchies, as well as the protocol and the information flow. Each office is very different and it’s always a challenge to quickly understand what the underlying structures and limitations are, who the individuals in charge of energy and priority flows are, locating the true diplomat, the drama-starter, the teacher, the caring parent, the inspiring genius and those people that will be your trusted and remembered friends always. So, tailoring one’s communication style and interpersonal approach comes with each new culture and place, and isn’t always the easiest task – I have been trying to extract the essence of what is efficient and what is not. The key is, however, that it’s simply different in each and every place, that it all depends on the individuals, and that the contrasts are huge – which makes it an even more fruitful learning experience.

The concept of “different perspective” is a great example of what in some places is very appreciated, and in others hard to apply. Innovation, change, creativity, observations, improvement and other buzzwords that mean the world and people love using and always ask for, but aren’t always prepared to receive. How does one value creativity, anyway? And most importantly, how does one value individual, personal opinion and observations? On my own part, I have learnt to love feedback and always ask for it, as there is no thing that makes me and my abilities grow more than a set of well crafted, constructive comments. Sometimes they are known to you, sometimes they are difficulties you already knew you have to work on, sometimes they are qualities you had no idea you were actually really good at or impressions you have created that turn out to be a complete surprise. And no matter if an observation one receives is “valid” in one’s own opinion and one chooses to take them into consideration or not, they have been the impression of somebody. That’s the most beautiful and powerful thing about opinions and perspectives, there is no such thing as a wrong one. Which is why I measure them in gold. 

People here in the office have been great in many ways. I have been under the direct supervision of two leaders with open doors and a huge amount of experience, supporting, advicing and sharing. I have met people that have been in the system for many years, and had long talks about just about anything with people who like to inspire and the drivers who like to tell interesting stories. Most importantly, I have learnt a lot of new skills professionally, gotten advice on directions to continue in, and made new friends.

So I am very happy to have this picture to remember where all of it originally came from. Thank you all!

By the way, I’m taking the picture with my Canon EOS 6D smartphone application, how wonderful is technology?!

Caroline Bach1 Comment

Bad vibes

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Today was a day of negative vibes. Not big one’s, but significant little dramas.

I’m a solution driven person with rationality and balance as my base, conflicts usually pass me by completely and it’s very hard to provoke me to get angry. It upsets some people that I’m so calm and relaxed about things and always try to find an underlying reason to why somebody acted a certain way or said something.. by some it’s appreciated.

However, when misunderstandings and drama come from interaction with friends I really care about, they can make me very uncomfortable. Still not angry, but eager to fix and sad. I like problems to be solved and misunderstandings to be explained and agreed upon as soon as possible, in good order and with a smile. I don’t like things to be left unclear, open, uncertain. I want all the bad essence squeezed out completely, and not have to feel like there are any hard feelings left.

All of this preferably before going to sleep, which was always the rule we had with my mom when I was little – to solve problems and go to sleep in peace and with a smile.

However, rule number one in human interaction is: People have different needs, expectations and preferences. Don’t expect anybody to think/feel the same way you do about things.

So I’m going to sleep without having solved this one.

Buenas noches.

Caroline BachLeave a comment

Occasionally, things work out.

“Wiseman speculated that what we call luck is actually a pattern of behaviors that coincide with a style of understanding and interacting with the events and people you encounter throughout life. Unlucky people are narrowly focused, he observed. They crave security and tend to be more anxious, and instead of wading into the sea of random chance open to what may come, they remain fixated on controlling the situation, on seeking a specific goal. As a result, they miss out on the thousands of opportunities that may float by. Lucky people tend to constantly change routines and seek out new experiences. Wiseman saw that the people who considered themselves lucky, and who then did actually demonstrate luck was on their side over the course of a decade, tended to place themselves into situations where anything could happen more often and thus exposed themselves to more random chance than did unlucky people. The lucky try more things, and fail more often, but when they fail they shrug it off and try something else. Occasionally, things work out.”

The fantastic David McRaney from one of my favourite blogs, You Are Not So Smart, writes about Survivorship Bias and Success in his latest blog post. A bit long but definitely worth a read, along with the rest of the blog. One of my favourite of his posts on how complicated the human mind is and how it plays trick on us is that of the Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy. I see examples of this almost daily since reading it in 2010. Everybody – just read it, please.

A month left on a very exciting contract. A month of roadtrip-photography-beloved friends in Mexico + exploring NYC. And then I’m probably on the market again.

So here you have me, reaching out, looking forward to opportunity surprising me with something new. 

Caroline BachLeave a comment

Empty Thoughts Over a Shallow Ocean


Teatro Avenida, Maputo. Mozambique 2012


Ryan Hemsworth – Empty Thoughts Over a Shallow Ocean
Still Awake (2013)

I’m listening to Ryan Hemsworth’s fantastic new EP, Still Awake, at a time when I apparently should be sleeping. I’m craving quality time with beloved and missed friends and wishing for an hour of uninterrupted Internet connection clashing right to break this time-zone barrier between me and the rest of my world – allowing me to have a proper conversation with my mother or at least somebody of my friends who I haven’t heard from for too long now. Being able to spontaneously call or text a friend has always been the most valued possibility that a 3G connection could provide. With an 8 hour time difference, those messages lose value and might even wake the person up – so I don’t share, and I don’t get as many of those random little answers and pictures that would keep me updated on the whereabouts of my darlings. A huge loss – I miss them.

Renata and Den are in Granada and I can’t wait to have both of them with me here tomorrow – reunions like this are truly beautiful and I will be meeting Den for the third time now, in a third country. Two years since last time.

Speaking of which, I feel that time is moving on again and although my contract with UNICEF has been extended until August, uncertainty is catching up with me once again and asking me what I actually would like from reality. I wouldn’t be me if I could answer that question immediately as there are so many options that my mind is craving. On one hand, there is an infinite amount of things I still really want to experience, going to exciting places, travel, visit India again, focus on my photography, challenges and meetings, growing in my career, learning more new things. On the other hand, I am really missing a base, some form of stability, rooted friendships. A job that allows me to define a home and buy myself a proper sound system, knowing that I will be staying put for a while, with a nice little guestroom always prepared for visits from friends and my mother.

Renata has been selling New York quite efficiently to me. The eclectic mix of cuisine, cultures, styles, architecture, people, values, preferences, languages, interests, music, things to do, and of course her own presence in the city. Professionally, I have gotten “Don’t do it!” from many people I trust. “It’s not worth it, New York might be a fantastic city, but the working atmosphere is not pleasant at all and you get downgraded instantly to do work you are completely overqualified for.” Still, I can’t help but being extremely curious about what life would look like when there is always something to do, what work looks like on HQ level, and how I would be able to handle it all. At least for a couple of months to be convinced about the down parts myself instead of going around wondering, or to decide that it’s indeed great and all just a matter of preference and what you decide to make of it.

Actually, there are quite a lot of scenarios that would be fantastic. A long term position with big responsibilities and doing what I do best at a regional office here in Latin America, or maybe even finding my way back to Scandinavia and really reconnecting with a life free of worries and full of beloved friends. Or maybe starting something completely new or travelling to an emergency country and living a hard but very enriching reality for some time. So yeah, on one hand I would love to really unpack my bags and know where my home is – but I’m not saying that I’m in need or wish to completely settle down right now – I’m far from done growing and learning and getting to travel to places I haven’t seen can still keep my mind and heart content, busy and happy – for some time more, or until I find my spot.

But most of all, and first of all, I’m craving real opportunities. So that I can choose. Bring it on, Internet and the bureaucratic application systems, give a curious lady some answers over here.

Update: And just as I published this blogpost there was a flash, the sound of thunder, and then the sky opened up for one of those soothing nightly rains that release all the tensions in the air and smell so nicely. Time to sleep now. Thank you for the treat, Managua.

Caroline BachLeave a comment

The list

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Almost all items on the list of lists have been ticked off. In two hours I’m boarding a train to the airport with the beautiful wooden floors.

My biggest dilemma? Which external harddrive to bring. The almost full one, or the empty one? I can’t seem to live without my database, but who really needs 2TB of stuff? “But what if I need one of my photos from 2006? Or want to listen to the Pink Floyd discography?!” Life is complicated sometimes.

I do actually have bigger things to worry about right now – speaking Spanish again after an entire year of maningue, muito bom, posso, agora, então, isso, depois, obrigada and many, many boa tarde’s, for example.

Here’s part two ofthe packing process, by the way, all packed now:

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“What, you’e only bringing 23kg’s + carry-on?!” Well yeah, and myself.

Caroline Bach5 Comments

South America 2008

I haven’t published most of these photos here before.

It’s from when I had just defended my Bachelor thesis and decided that it was time to pack my bags and leave all forms of comfort, safety and routine behind. I landed in Buenos Aires all by myself, 21 years old, on a January afternoon, equipped with the Lonely Planet and a very curious mind, and started a trip that would always come to influence my priorities, values and perspectives.

All the interesting people I met on the way, the amount of amazement and thrill I experienced, all the time I spent contemplating and the things I learnt about myself became the foundation of my adult personality. I trusted many strangers that became my friends, learnt how to play the charango, jumped from an airplane, celebrated my birthday with an entire hostel, bought strange clothes, enjoyed the little things, worked as a sound technician, burnt my skin in the sun, travelled with clowns, went to the desert, took care of people, swam with dolphins in the amazon river, discussed important matters, climbed a volcano, spent a total of 212 hours in buses, and allowed myself to fall in love. But the three most important things I brought with me from these four months in six different countries in South America, was the ability to trust my instincts, relax my mind and be genuinely happy.

Caroline Bach3 Comments

Bikram Yoga 5/10

“The greatest gift you can give yourself now, after 90 minutes in this room, is a perfect Savasana.”

she said as she faded the lights out and turned off the heating. And I lay there, on my back, after the fifth out of my ten Bikram Yoga days, pearls of sweat running down my waist, thinking about.. nothing.

I feel and see some progress in class. I notice that I can stretch further, I can finally touch my forehead to my stretched out knee, and today I managed to keep balancing in my best effort to do my favourite of the 26 asanas, the standing bow, until the instructor released us. It’s all a process, you go deeper into the poses, you start understanding them, you learn that by sliightly turning your toes inwards, you suddenly manage to almost do the triangle – yay! It’s a beautiful art that challenges your mind in many ways, and the sweating feels absolutely wonderful.


Standing Bow Pose. Photo: Bigstock Photo

And what about later? What happens when I leave the yoga studio? Frankly, not much. I step out of the hot room, there is no tension in my muscles, I take a cold shower and feel relaxed, calm and energized – and that’s pretty much it. I don’t really try bending my spine back into a 90 degree angle at any other point of the day or standing on one leg forming a “Capital T, as in Terrific! Leg up, arms stretched forward, stretch, strech, stretch! Come down. And exhale.” 


Balancing Stick Pose. Photo: Bikram Yoga North Miami Beach

I’m am sure the yoga has a positive effect on my body, especially along with the amounts of water I’m drinking and fruit I’m eating as a part of this little detoxing project. (Except when I find displaced chocolate.) My pores feel flushed out, I get a moment to turn off the mind and my ego skips with joy at any small progress. I am, however, longing for some muscle pain and action. I want to feel that I’ve been working out, I want to feel stronger, lift heavier, jump higher, push that one more time, hit that tennisball really hard with the racket in a more controlled forehand, or something. Explosive energy, dancing, laughter. My cup of tea.

From all the stories I heard about bikram before, I was afraid it would be completely exhausting and painful, and I was actually looking forward to the torture. However, it’s not as much that, as it maybe is quite dehydrating, although I’m not even really noticing that. But then again, those of you who know me well, know that I have a slightly strange body that seldomly asks me for water, food, sleep, or a toilet. “You were made for working in the field!” a former colleage once exclaimed.

And maybe that’s what I should do then. Go somewhere. After my Savasana.


Savasana. Photo: MokshaChallenge

Caroline Bach3 Comments

Naturally monochromatic


Sturup, Sweden. February 2013. Colours not modified.

I’m back in the magnificent country where healthcare, social security and gender equality are things one can take for granted and enjoy in tranquility. Colours, however, are as rare here as the luxury of being woken up by rays of natural sunlight. Details that practically might have much less impact on one’s well being than those formerly mentioned, but still, the fact that I would get all of my belongings reimbursed in case my house would burn down or that doctor’s appointment in a couple of days that I won’t be paying anything for can’t possibly add up to the feeling of euphoria that five minutes of smiling at the sun gives me.

It’s not at all about not being thankful for what I have here, it’s more of a longing for those swirling colours on the skirt of a Bolivian lady, the perfectly organized chaos in an intersection in India, the sunrise dancing of the young Mozambicans, or just a little bit of edge.


Macchu Picchu, Peru. April 2008. Colours not modified.